Day Three of Lent

Is there any better place for a 10 year old than a convenience store full of sweet treats - Fun Dip, Sweet Tarts, Bubbalicious, candy cigarettes, Jolly Rancher sticks and the list goes on and on. But what if that 10 year old has no money? Zilch, none, nada. Does that place become a hell on earth?

I can't answer that question with absolute certainty, but I can answer based on anecdotal evidence. I know for this ten year old, convenience stores and their out of reach treasures were terrible places. That was, until one day when my best friend and I ventured into our neighborhood 7-11. We decided to fill up our baby doll diaper bags with whatever we could nonchalantly slip into them unnoticed and remedy the no money problem. The clerk wasn't looking. We were sure of it. One of us stood watching while the other filled her bag. Then, being friends, we reversed roles, sharing responsibilities.

The thought of a second employee never crossed our minds. Who would have thought he would be hiding in the cooler restocking beverages? We sure didn't. But his position gave him a perfect view of what we thought was a perfect plan. I guess big brother was watching even before surveillance cameras were common. A huge tragedy in two small lives. We were busted.

I can't remember whose mom was called first, but they both were notified. I do however remember the discipline tool of choice my mother used to punish me - my fathers wooden handle BBQ brush. It stung like mad and left a welt on my butt. I was a skinny little thing, so there wasn't much meat on my flanks to absorb the swats - pun intended, have to live with it when using a BBQ brushes for discipline.

You must be wondering by now when I would get a clue about life. Stealing is wrong. Stealing equals bad consequences. Shouting at me as you read this excerpt, stealing is, if nothing else, something you personally are not very good at.

It wasn't that I wasn't a bright child. It was more that my desire to have what was not mine was stronger than my ability to think through the consequences. I wish I could say that today I don't struggle with wanting what is not mine, but I still do. Once my spending money is gone for the month I know I need to avoid certain stores. They cause me to stumble every time. Well, I don't steal things anymore but I tend to buy them even when I have exhausted my spending funds, and even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I know it will perturb my husband. Even though I know that eventually the stuff will sit in my closet collecting dust until I ultimately send it off to the thrift store with the other items I've grown tired of because something new and exciting....for now...has replaced it.

So, how do I remedy this problem? I need to remember that ultimately, the only thing that will fill that hole in my life is God. Not the good gifts He gives us...which can bring us pleasure, but only He himself can fill the void. Now, to remember that the next time I'm at REI would really make my life easier.

Day Two of Lent

For those of you who wonder...my mom does not remember what caused her to discover the books. We are brutally honest with each other these days so it would be okay for her to admit if she had been snooping through my room, but alas, that was not it. She promised she would try and jog her memory. For now, that is all I could ask of her.

Less you prejudge me and think I was an obstinate child let me assure you I was not only obstinate (and still am today), but I was a kleptomaniac also. Yes, I must admit it. Even now if you invite me to your home be careful lest I steal something right out from under your nose. *wink

The first time I remember stealing something I must have been about 5 years old. I was in tow with my mom at the local Goldblatt's store. They were a local chain of discount stores started in 1914 in the mid-west. I found a little purse I could just not stand to live without and lo and behold I swiped it. I took it home with me. My little party was over when my mother discovered I had stolen it, marched me back to talk to the store manager, and confessed my sin to him. Not only THAT, they made me give the purse back! I thought if my mother truly loved me she would have at least bought that purse for me. At least let me keep it but never, never, never make me apologize for stealing it and give it back, too.

That was the last thing I stole for quite awhile...well, at least until I was in kindergarten and there was that big fat pencil at the bookstore at Blessed Sacrament school I had my eye on....but that is a story for another day.

Day One of Lent-

Lent is typically about giving something up...but for me, it's more about the aspect of discipline. Writing has been a discipline I've needed to gain but fight tooth and nail...grrr. So, for the next 40 days I'm going to write a little blurb about life going to Parochial school. I hope they make you laugh, cry, and bring precious memories back from YOUR childhood.

I'm not sure if the day began like any other day. What possessed me to meander over to the school and see what was going on. I'm not sure I even had a plan I just found myself drawn to pathway that led me there. Where was there? St. Theresa Catholic school. The place where I spent 5 years of my life, more or less. The school had an accordion like gate that closed off the entrance's, but I was skinnier than a praying mantis at nine years old and so I slid between the metal bars with ease. No one was around as I walked the hollowed outdoor walkways. Just for fun I decided to see if any of the doors of the teachers classrooms were unlocked. Bingo, Mrs. Dimas had forgotten to lock her door. Whether it was because she was pregnant and entered that phase of hormonal forgetfulness or simply didn't think it was necessary either way I'll never know. I let myself in feeling like a kid in a candy store with no limits. I was so proud of myself. Look—rows of textbooks and right next to them were the TEACHERS copies with all the answers! I would never had to think about doing my homework again!

How I lugged those massive texts home I have no idea but I placed them in between both of my mattress' of my bed. The following day I saw my teacher talking with some of the other staff. I didn't need to hear what she was telling them as I watched her hands motioning I could guess she was explaining that at least 3 feet of her textbooks had suddenly developed feet and wandered off. The most fascinating part of the equation is ultimately how my mother found out. I still to this day have no idea. I wonder if I jog her memory she'll confess to what ratted me out. Did the janitor see me? Was the lump between my mattress what gave it away when my mom went to change my sheets? Or was she snooping in my room and discovered the books all on her own? I guess that's a story for another day.

I'm a Huge Fan of Change....as Long as I Instigated It.

People don't fear change, they fear uncertainty. Steven Covey

I'm one of those people who loves change...as long as I'm the one who instigates and controls the change. Painting a room because I WANT to paint it; not because it has water damage and I HAVE to paint it. I think I get this from my grandfather. He used to drive my grandmother crazy rearranging the furniture on a monthly basis. He claimed it saved the carpet because it didn't allow traffic patterns to develop. I think that was only partly true. I think moving the furniture gave him a sense of control. Controlled change. When everything else in your life is spinning out of control making a controlled change, like moving furniture or painting a room, gives the illusion of control.

But, what is one to do when God whispers into our ear, I want you to change in this area my beloved. I would love to say I'm always compliant...Yes Lord! I'm on it. No problem. Unfortunately, more often than not I resist the change. It's not my idea and I will lose control. I dig my heels in and wait for God to speak a little louder, beloved, I really want you to change in this area. Ultimately, because I'm stubborn, God sometimes has to make me move rather than allowing me to move on my own (because the wait might be eternal).

Wait, but didn't God make me and mold me which would include my stubbornness? A friend recently posted on Facebook that her 2 year old was having her first tantrum and therefore was mad as a hornet. I inwardly smiled and told her our Zoe was that way. Thee perfect child and then one day a switch flipped and we all went, WHOA! I shared how that determination in Zoe has and will allow her to do great things in life, though. We need to channel that strong will towards good and positive things. So then, I thought, what about me? What do I need to do to channel my strong will? I need to be stubborn in my obedience to God rather than stubborn in my disobedience. And if I don't channel it? Then God as my heavenly Father will help channel it for me.

It's not easy. It will be the hardest work you do each day. But it will change how you think and it will change your heart, as well. So, what do I personally do to channel my strong will towards God? I ask myself what is God asking me to change today? Then I search my Bible for verses that deal with that specific thing. (ie forgiveness) Then, I set myself to task writing those verses down on 3 x 5 cards* - write them over and over again. Read them over and over again until the 18 inches between my heart and head have shared meaning and I can say with confidence; Thy word I have hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you. Ps 119:11.

*If you are tech savvy I use the ColorNote App on my Android to keep a virtual stack of 3 x 5 cards to look over anytime I'm waiting somewhere.

Life Isn't Fair-Especially Around the Holidays

For the past 9 years our family has been cable/satellite free. Don't get me wrong; it's not that we don't watch TV at all it's just that if we had cable I'm not sure we'd never stop watching. There are a few shows we manage to watch at a friend’s house (Survivor and Glee) or watch on the internet. My attorney husband seems to be drawn to law enforcement type shows like White Collar, In Plain Sight and Burn Notice. A few weeks ago he was sick and while surfing the net found a new show out there; Blue Bloods. He loves Tom Selleck and as he watched he was drawn to the story lines. Intense, familial and thought provoking.

And when he likes a show, I have to at least watch a couple of episodes, if only to get him off my case. One such episode hit a nerve as I ponder the holiday season approaching and contemplate dealing with family and adopted family.

Tom Selleck’s character has his newly divorced daughter and granddaughter living with him. When mom and teenage daughter have a spat, Tom's character gets up from the table and says, “I've got this one.” You would expect him, as the police commissioner and strong willed type, to go off on his granddaughter explaining how she needs to be more respectful of her mother. But, he doesn't. Instead he says, “Life isn't fair. But, you can be.” Wow. It rattled me. So often we feel if others aren't fair to us then certainly it's okay to treat them the same way, right?

No way - Jesus commanded that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the 'life isn't fair but you can be' statement in a nutshell. We don't have to be fair - the world doesn't expect us to be fair. But, what does it say to the world when we are being treated unfairly but offer kindness and love in return?

With Thanksgiving a few days away and Christmas looming in the shadows ponder how the holiday season would look differently in your household if you lived out what Jesus said? You treating others how YOU would like to be treated...NOT, how you currently are being treated.

Rules without a Relationship equals Rebellion

Teenagers. They are some of the most baffling of God's creation. Sometimes even more than women. If you are the parent of a teen, or have been the parent of a teen, you know what I am talking about. One moment everything is calm and then the raging storm comes out of no where. You have no idea what you said, what you did, or what you didn't do. In any case, there are remnants of a hurricane to clean up.

So what is the secret to surviving the hurricane? A “simple” formula ~ R-R=R. Okay, for those of us who hate math, or, as Dr. Dobson puts it, Rules without a Relationship equals Rebellion.

What exactly are rules? Rules aren't simply the ten commandments. Rules are the things in our lives that dictate whether we will be successful or not. Watching certain movies may be okay for me while the same movies may cause my husband to stumble. Maybe my best friend can enjoy a glass of wine, but because of addiction issues in my own life, I do not have that luxury. Does that mean God doesn't love me as much as He loves others? No. There are just certain things, Rules per se, that govern my life that are not an issue in others lives. Just as God our father wants what is best for us, so do we as parents, what is best for our children. This is where Relationship comes into play.

The Relationship is what makes the Rules workable. For example, if my Relationship with God is fractured, I envision Him meddling in my business, then I am going to struggle with the boundaries God places in my life. On the other hand, if my Relationship with God is built on trust, spending time with one another and knowing each other, then when my feathers get ruffled because God seems to be interfering in my life, I am able to separate out my feelings and remember to trust my Relationship with God because He loves me and has my best interest in mind.

The same is true with our teens. If our teens feel we know and love them explicitly and have their best interest in mind (a Relationship), then when we ask them to trust and obey us (the Rules), Rebellion has no place.

So how do we build the Relationship? One word; time. The same way I cannot be close with God and have an intimate relationship with Him if I don't spend time with him. The same way I cannot have an intimate relationship with my husband if I don't spend time with him. We must spend one on one time with our teens. Play a game. Throw a ball. Get ice cream. Go for a walk. Wash the car. Turn off the radio and listen. Anything together where you are working together on a common goal. Don't wait another minute-take some time with your teenager today and see if it doesn't build the Relationship and keep Rebellion at bay.

Nothing in Life is Free

You've heard the old adage, nothing in life is free, right? I have always balked at that statement because certainly, if Chick-fil-A is giving away their tasty chicken strips, they're free, right? Well, I guess except for the drink you bought with them to wash them down. Oh, and the gas you used to drive to their location. Not to mention the time you burned to go specifically to their store for lunch to get the free chicken. Don't forget that lunch took twice as long because everybody and their brother came for the 'free' meal, too. But still, wasn't is mostly free? I recently had the opportunity to see this phenomenon first hand in my own life. That nothing in life is free....

A few months ago my in-laws had some furniture they were looking to re-home and asked their kids if they were interested before they asked outside of the family. My favorite chair and secretary were on the list, along with a couch and loveseat. I talked my husband into putting dibs in on those items...they're free, after all, right? Later that week, we borrowed a truck from a friend and headed 90 miles east to grab our new free furniture to replace our 14 year old hand me downs. How exciting!! All said and done we spent $50 on gas and $10 for fast food, and I was still thinking our free furniture was still a pretty good deal.

Days later, a new home was found for our old furniture then I set to work bringing the new furniture into the house. When my husband asked where the new furniture was going and I told him he exclaimed, 'oh no! This furniture is too nice to put in the great room. We need to put it where the kids can't even sit on it.' Okay. Plan B. Let's put it in the family room. The furniture fit perfectly and made the room look cozy and warm with its gold and green hues. As I sat back and admired my new room I paused. Hmm. There's a problem. But only a slight problem. The walls were painted a suede blue color to match the green down chairs I had in the room before hand. The blue didn't look bad, but it really didn't look great, either. My decorating instinct kicked in and I started to obsess about how much it would cost to repaint the wall. I quietly slunk out the door and disappeared to Home Depot on a mission. Horrified at the $40 a gallon price tag of the special paint from two years previously I left a bit discouraged. My free furniture was starting to cost me more than I had originally anticipated. Thankfully, days later, I was able to discover a gallon of demonstration paint in the oops section for $1 and after adding 3 cups of white paint I already had, I was able to create the perfect color for my wall. Sadly, my compulsion to make the room just right didn't end there. I was so elated at saving so much money on paint I was compelled to go buy new decor for the room to match the style of my new furniture. Before I knew it, my new furniture had become an obsession that was growing wildly out of control, and consuming my life.

Pondering the whole situation I began to think of my relationship with Christ. Easter is upon us and churches will be emphasizing the free gift of eternal life made available through Christ's resurrection. The gift of salvation is free, all you have to do is ask for it. Just like I asked for the furniture from my incredible in-laws. The furniture I received, though free from the giver, made a change in my life that motivated me to action. This action had a cost; namely a different paint color and new nick knacks. Conversely, the gift of salvation I received from Christ was free. The change the Holy Spirit brings to my life compels me to action as I let the Holy Spirit consume my life. My resulting actions have a cost; namely denying myself. 2 Corinthians 3:18. Scripture says a believers is a new creation in Christ and will be transformed. 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 4:17-21. Salvation most certainly is a free gift, but living a spirit filled life has a cost. This isn't a new idea~Jesus told his followers they needed to evaluate that cost of discipleship before they made a commitment. Luke 14:25-33; Luke9:23.

As we are sharing the gospel, whether this Easter season or 3 months from now, we need to communicate that life in Christ is a free gift and the benefits far outweigh the cost, but there is a cost. Salvation isn't a gift you place on a shelf to gather dust, rather it's a gift put into action, through the work of the Holy Spirit, that compels life change. As John Calvin penned, “Indeed, faith alone saves, but the faith that saves, is never alone.”

Please share how your salvation has specifically cost you.