Cleaning Out the Closet

Spring is in the air and Easter is just around the corner. Most retail stores have the intoxicating fragrance of Tulips, Hyacinth, and Easter Lily's permeating the air. It is an abrupt reminder to me, that along with blooming bulbs, the need for spring cleaning to be done is upon me. I mentioned to my husband that I would be starting a Honey Do List for his cleaning list, and it jogged his memory about a conversation he'd recently had with a friend about life P.C. (Pre-Christian) and the struggles and failures his friend had experienced. Why is it so easy to share our P.C. struggles and failures but we struggle opening up about those things we've struggled with while a Christian. The friend likened it to the church building. Church staff work diligently to keep the areas of the church that everyone sees spotless, but if you go poking around where lay people never trod, there is always that pile of junk. Similarly, we close the door on the 'closets' of our own life so no one can see the junk.

We hear of drug abuse, infidelity, pornography addiction, greed, jealousy, and the list goes on and on. Most church members will come forth and admit they too had a problem, but it was years earlier: P.C. Yet statistics and those willing to share their life experience conclude that many church attenders are struggling with these same issues. Why are we so afraid to share our struggles with others? Are we afraid they will judge us? Look down on us? Think they are better than we are because 'they don't have that problem?' The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. God is not a God of fear—He is a God of love. (I John 4:18) It has been said that when we bring our struggles into the light, the struggle loses its power because it can no longer hide and it ceases to be a thing to be feared. We need to open the door of the proverbial closet and allow our struggles to be illuminated by the 'Light'.

I have recently been convicted of the junk I have been hiding and have started cracking the doors on some of my closets. I am tired of trying to look like the spotless church while hiding my mound of junk. And although everyone doesn't need to know the entirety of the struggles throughout my life, Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time for every season—this includes with who and what you share. I don't flaunt the contents of my closets, but carefully consider those I can trust and extend an invitation to help me clean out my closet. I am trading the energy I have been spending hiding the junk in the closet for energy needed to clean the junk out.

I am a sinner. I have always been a sinner. Those of us who are believers are covered by the blood of the Lamb, but sometimes I do the very thing I do not want to do. (Romans 7:15) Some sins are more socially accepted than others—some have greater consequences. But we have to remember that God is working within each of us, and rather than stuffing more junk in the closet, or busying ourselves with worrying about what other people have in their closets, maybe we need to ask if it's time to personally do a little spring cleaning in our closets.

New Year's Resolutions, Again?

I remember a time when my Christmas newsletter was written, printed, in postage paid envelopes, hand written notes on all 125 of them, and ready to be mailed by December 1^st. I'm not sure where that woman went. And as I think about it, I am not sure whether I really want her back?

It's the time of year when billboards, commercials and magazine articles are filled with advertisements to join XYZ gym or to lose weight. Ads even line the walls in public restroom stalls; you can't escape it. We are now half way through what might be called, guilted into doing it January. Countless scientific studies have proven that up to 100% of New Year's Resolutions are broken by February 17^th. Okay, some studies actually claim there are 5% of people who actually keep their resolutions. I don't know if any of these people, do you? Either way, it is the minority that keep resolutions, not the majority. Have you made New Year's resolutions? If so, how are you doing in the resolution keeping category? Or, are you one of those people who figures you will just break them so why even make them?

Age makes you do more soul searching, or maybe it's the hormones. Either way, contemplation has been one of my main activities the past few months which has lead to a desire is to be more intentional in making goals that matter. For example, does having my newsletter mailed out on the first day of December really matter in the scheme of eternity? Or does having a newsletter at all matter? What does God really desire of me? What aligns with His purpose for my life and how He designed me? Setting goals is not a bad thing, what we need to ask is, 'are we setting the right goals?' I like the word goals rather than resolution because it seems less cliché.

So, how do I set the right goals and succeed in keeping them? Here are some ideas.

First, determine what energizes you. What makes you smile from the top of your head down to your tippy toes? These are the things that God has designed you for. Do MORE of these things and get your goal aligned with them. If more of your goals are about improving your weaknesses you will be like the majority who break their resolutions. For a more extended version of this idea check out Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham.

Second, have a mission/purpose statement for your life. Write it out in 10 words or less. Unless you know where you want to go in life, your goals will not get your there. Your life statement should be based on your spiritual gifts and how God designed you. These things fuel your tank and give you more energy even after a long day of activities. Take a look at Get More Done in Less Time, by Donna Otto.

Third, pick goals based on your life statement and write them down. Ask yourself “how does each goal line up with my purpose/mission statement?” If they don't line up, cross them off. Now put your written list where you can see if often. For help here, check out Life Mapping, by Dr. John Trent.

Lastly, but most importantly, write down HOW you are going to accomplish these goals. If you don't have a plan to get them done they are likely to just be words on paper at the end of the year. Remember the old adage, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

When I look at my goal list for 2010 I am energized, excited, and ready to take them on. Some are things that are difficult, like listening to 12 hours of Greek and Roman history. But, each is necessary to accomplish a bigger goal of mine. For example, the Greek and Roman history is a step toward writing a historical fiction novel. How about you? What are your big bodacious dreams? Have you broken them down into realistic goals? Are they in writing? If not, what are you waiting for?

Are Your Holiday Family Gatherings More Prickly than Polite?

Have you ever played the word association game? Lets try~I say chocolate, saliva develops as you sternly bark....'get me some!' Or, I say 'fruitcake' and you say, 'that wouldn't even make my dog drool. Move on.' How about if I say, “family holiday gathering?” Be honest. Do you start perspiring even though it's 65 degrees? Your eyes start to glaze over as you painfully realize Christmas is just around the corner. You are about to spend hours with people who don't really like you. In fact, the family tree may be the only reason they gather with you at all.

This time of year we ponder Jesus as light of the world. But, Matthew 5 states that we, Jesus' followers, are the light of the world. Is it possible to be the 'light of the world' spending time with family members? Yesterday while I was shopping, I gave the lady behind me in line 2 of my extra coupons. You would have thought I had given her a $20 bill. She was elated. That was easy. Why is it easier to be a light for Christ with a stranger? What happens to that thoughtful spirit in me when I get around my relatives? What is there about us that can be so stubborn about demanding our way when we are with family? Do I demand more from my relatives? Am I a poor communicator? Do my actions corroborate my words or discredit me?

Recently I had to answer these questions when I received a email from a family member that left me shaking. Angry. Hurt. Angry. Disgruntled. Angry. Hopeless. Did I mention angry? It, however, was not a righteous anger. I had to ask myself why the letter caused so much anger within me. Perhaps it was because some of the things in the email were painfully true. Initially, I chose denial fervently building a case for myself of all the things in the letter that were not true. Not a good plan. Fortunately, after much prayer and seeking counsel, I snapped out of denial mode.

Many of the things in the email were not necessarily true, but the result of poor communication. But, regretfully, some of the things were true. My pride did not want to see where I was not being Christlike. Baggage from past interactions prevented me from loving as Christ calls me to love. But when I sought counsel and realized my actions were causing pain in the life of someone, I discovered that I needed to confess those things to God and ask His forgiveness. More importantly, I needed to ask my relative for forgiveness. That, my friend, was not an easy task. If I hear the word apologize the first thought that comes to my mind is, “Gulp, how do you eat an elephant?” Well, as I tell my girls, “you eat an elephant one bite at a time.” What do the first bites look like? Let me suggest the following.

• Read Scripture. Perspective is everything and nothing provides perspective like God's word. We need perspective when asking if there is something I have done to cause conflict in this relationship.

• Go to the Person. No emails or texts. Communication is 90% non-verbal and only 10% verbal. If distance prevents a face to face interaction, make a phone call.

• Listen. Listen. Listen. Did I say listen? Our tendency is to defend ourselves. Resist this temptation. God is your defender and protector.

• Admit Wrong. I had to say, “You are right. I have___, would you please forgive me?”

• Make a Commitment. Tell the person you will try and not commit the offense again and take the necessary steps to back up your words. For me, the culprit was poor communication. I made a commitment to call in the future and not rely on others to communicate for me.

Does it work? A few weeks after our interaction, our families had the chance to get together. Instead of dreading the interaction, I went with hope that things would go better than they have in the past. I felt God's peace and joy in doing what He has called me to do. Was it easy? No. Were there times I needed a breather and needed to be alone? Yes. But, I can honestly say I had a great time and am not dreading our next family get together.

What about you? Do you need to go to someone before that family holiday gathering and make things right? If so, here may be some utensils to help you eat that elephant one bite at a time~

• Read scripture

• Go to the person

• Listen. Listen. Listen

• Admit wrong

• Make a commitment

I would love to know how your 'meal' went over the holidays. Please comment or email and let me know!

Take Your Best Shot by Austin Gutwein

“When you put your all into something, when you're so inspired or dedicated that you give it all you've got, you are taking your best shot.” Do these sound like words that would come from a teenager who claims, “I'm no different than you, I'm just a normal kid.”? Amazingly, Take Your Best Shot by Austin Gutwein, who founded Hoops of Hope, is an amazing account of Austin's personal walk in discovering how he can personally make a difference for eternity.

Challenged by a video from World Vision his family was given, Austin came to a realization that some adults never contemplate. First, we all eventually die. Second, our time here on this earth is very short compared to eternity. Austin started to see the world for what it is and started to discover his place in it. Challenged to do something to make a difference in the lives of orphans in Africa, Austin set out to dream a bodacious dream that he could only accomplish with God's help. This all started with a paradigm shift on Austin's part: things that do not expire are more important than things that do expire. Simply put; people are eternal~things are not.

Austin's challenge to all who read his book is to dream a big bodacious dream that only God can accomplish. Not just any dream, though. He asks the reader what passion God has put in their heart. Austin is not trying to build a following for financial support but truly enticing his readers to take the vision God has given them and to take their best shot to change the world for the better.

Find Your Strongest Life Now Book Review

I hope many of you had the opportunity to attend the Women of Faith Conference this last weekend. On Friday night, Marcus Buckingham spoke about his new book - Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently. And although I have not had a chance to read this book in it's entirety yet (I did buy 4 more copies on Friday for special women in my life), my husband has and below is his review. Samantha Wright

Study the happiest and most successful women and you realize that they ignore balance, and strive for fullness instead. They deliberately tilt their world toward those few moments that genuinely fill them up.

As someone who has heard Marcus Buckingham speak and read his previous books, I looked forward to the release of his new book, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently even though I have a Y chromosome. I was also excited about the book, because I am surround by women in my life (my wife, my daughters, co-workers) and I desire each one of them to be genuinely successful.

Buckingham is a self described ‘strength strategist’ and most of his readers would probably describe him as primarily a business/organizational writer. But Find Your Strongest Life challenges women in their individual lives to start life strong and grow even stronger in life. He introduces revolutionary concepts like intentionally imbalancing your life, strong moments, and the practice of catching and cradling these strong moments. At the same time, he debunks myths surrounding the benefits of ‘balance’ and ‘juggling’ life. His chapter subheadings, including ‘Strive for Imbalance’ and ‘Always Sweat the Small Stuff,’ prepare the reader to expect a break from the norm.

Buckingham takes his readers into the lives of two women, Charlie and Anna, to put real flesh and bones on his thesis. Although, Charlie and Anna have very similar backgrounds and skill sets, each ends up with a very different level of satisfaction in her life. Buckingham posits that it is the practice of catching and cradling life’s strong moments that accounts for this difference.

I found the book enjoyable, readable, and challenging. Although at times, I found myself thinking that a specific section or thought would be much more applicable to the women in my life. Well, of course, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently is targeted toward women.

Although many authors of personal development books spend up to 90% of their book explaining their advice and only 10% pushing the reader to change, within the first 100 pages, Buckingham is challenging his readers. And this push continues for the next 80 pages as he uses sections like ‘What’s Stopping You’ to help the reader internalize his thesis and determine what it looks like in her own life. Part Three concludes with a look at specific areas of a woman’s life and steps can be taken in those areas to create a stronger life.

I know that I am going to need at least 2 more copies for my co-workers. And maybe another if I can convince my teenage daughters to start discovering their strongest life before they leave middle school and high school.

Never Underestimate the Power of the Written Word

Have you ever received a note or card from someone that made you smile ear to ear? The note so encouraged you that you would not dare relegate it to the trash can? I have a box in my attic of such notes. I am not sure why I am saving them~certainly my children will not want them when I'm dead and gone. I haven't looked through them or reread them in years, so what makes me hang on to them? I have always loved writing people notes. Probably because I love getting them from others. In a day and age of email and e-cards the only snail mail we receive most days is bills, junk mail and catalogs. Is that what makes a handwritten note in the mailbox so special?

Not too long ago I ran into a woman from our church and we started chatting. During our conversation she told me she still had a note of encouragement I had written her several years ago. What would make her keep a note for all these years and remember what I wrote in it to her? I wonder if written notes say 'your special' in a unique way? In February my dad passed away. In preparing for his memorial service I asked our girls what one of their favorite memories was of Pop. Shoshanah told us it was that Pop always sent her notes in the mail with several sticks of gum. Notes~in the mail~with sticks of gum. It was an 'aha' moment for me. Shoshanah loved getting those notes in the mail. She knew when the mail came, in addition to the adult junk mail, there just might be something in that stack for her. She loved when I sorted through the mail, pulled out an envelope, handed it to her and said, “this one is for YOU!” It communicated to her that she was special. Notes people write us make us feel special. And even if we don't read them over and over again we know they are tucked away somewhere safe just as they are tucked away in the memories of our heart.

The book of Acts is full of stories of believers who encourage each other (Acts 14:22; 15:31-32) and this model of encouragement is commanded of believers in I Thessalonians 5: 11, 14 and Hebrews 10:25. So what are you going to do today? Is there someone in your life you need to write a note of encouragement to? Take a moment right now. Grab a piece of paper, spring for a stamp, and jot down a quick note to someone that will make them grin from ear to ear.

Say What You Mean, and Mean What You Say

You might be surprised at what your children hear, understand, process, and put into their little memory banks! Scary might even be a better word. Two quick stories illustrate this fact.

Our family loves baseball, especially our World Series Champion Diamondbacks. It was the home opener and we were sitting down watching the game at home with our two girls (tickets to the Champions are a little out of our budget). Between innings, a commercial for a cell phone company came on. Dennis Franz was telling his agent that he doesn’t “do” commercials because you have to be a user of the product you are trying to sell. The four of us are talking when Zoe (4 years old at the time) looked up and said, “Dad. That guy says he doesn’t ‘do’ commercials, but LOOK! He’s doing a commercial.” Well at least the ad gurus know how to get a 4 year old’s attention.

My brother died of a drug overdose several years ago. We have consciously withheld some of the details from our girls until they are a little older. I am amazed at how much they know already from listening to our conversations with other adults. The summer my daughter was 4, I helped chauffeur her preschool class to Phoenix for a field trip. I drove and chatted with one teacher, while Zoe sat in the very back row of the van next to her other teacher. All of the sudden, I was drawn to Zoe’s conversation with her teacher. “Well,” Zoe said, in a rather a matter of fact tone, “my Uncle Na Na took my Grammy’s pillow one night. When my Grammy woke up in the morning and went to get her pillow he was dead, but I don’t know how he died. My pop tried to hold him like a baby, but he wouldn’t come back alive. I guess my Grammy killed him for taking her pillow.” Startled by her word’s, I nearly ran off the road. I had told this part of my brother’s story to some people when Zoe was nearly two years old, and two years later she was showing us she had overheard, remembered, processed it, and now was ‘regurgitating it.

Each of these stories illustrate how scary it can be when we stop to think about what our children hear and remember. It leaves an indelible impression with me that I need to watch all that I say and do around my children Even when I think it’s “going over their heads” or that they are not listening. We have adopted a saying in our household - “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” How often in life do we say one thing and do something very different? Are you a 'do as I say, but not as I do' kind of person?

Lord give us strength to be careful to say and do the right thing!