The Twelfth Day of Christmas--12 Krispy Kremes

                Have you ever gone to one of the Krispy Kreme donut locations? The locations where they actually bake the Krispy Kremes right there? The aromas of vanilla mingled with warm sugar that tickle the nose and tantalize the taste buds. Are you salivating yet? I had a friend that went and bought one dozen glazed Krispy Kremes one morning. She thought she’d have just one on her drive home, or maybe two. But, before she knew it she had consumed ten of the glazed yum yums that had previously occupied that coveted Krispy Kremes box. Horrified, and afraid her husband would never let her live it down, she decided that it would be best to finish the final two and be rid of the evidence.  Eating the final two was not as easy as the first ten—she had a sick feeling in her stomach. She could feel the bile rising up in her throat. The insulin rush in her body went to her cheeks and made her flush. She had to force down the last two Krispy Kremes. It was an act of will to get and keep them down.  A task of mind over matter.

That story reminds me of getting revenge. Revenge smells so good as we plot it. It tastes oh so sweet as we begin to think through our plot. But, after awhile, nausea sets in. We begin to feel the consequences of our actions.  We tell ourselves that we will feel better but in the end, we only feel worse. Why do you think that is? In the same way God created our stomachs to be repulsed after gorging ourselves on a dozen Krispy Kremes, God created our souls to be repulsed by revenge. In Romans 12:19, God says ‘vengeance is mine.’ God will take care of making sure His children are protected and cared for. Does that mean every time that someone does you wrong that God will strike them dead? We might wish it were so on some days, but, no, the promise is that God will do what HE knows is best. Perhaps vindication will happen later in their life—perhaps it won’t ever happen in your lifetime. Part of trusting our heavenly Father is taking Him at His word and trusting He knows what is best. Does it make it easy? No. But, I can tell you from experience—it is always the best route to take in life.

The 12 Days of Conflict, er, I mean 12 Days of Christmas

The last several years I’ve noticed I’ve really started to dislike the Christmas season. Not just dislike or disdain, but really loathe the season … like the Grinch. It used to be my favorite holiday. My Christmas newsletter would be put together and mailed by December 1^st. Christmas shopping? Often done by November. What happened? What happened that makes me cringe when the month of December approaches? As an analytical thinker, I decided to research what was going on in my heart and head and see if I could come up with a logical answer. My findings might surprise you.
Wanting to really enjoy this Christmas season, and enjoy it for the right reasons, I decided to write about the 12 Days of Conflict, I mean The Twelve Days of Christmas. Not just conflict with family members during the holiday but also conflict that is stirring within me because of my humanness. I am not perfect—I cannot please everyone, or make all the right decisions. How do I deal with the inner conflict within myself? As I journey, what can I do to assuage the grief that comes with my imperfections as they arise, and can I minimize the effect on those around me that I love?
Over the next twelve days, I will be visiting the many issues that seem to come up during the holiday seasons. Getting even—expectations—tender relationships—verbal fights—judging others—forgiving someone—and that filter between the brain and mouth that occasionally doesn’t work, just to name a few. I discovered there are exactly 12 issues…okay, there are probably a few more, but in the interest of history, I will keep it to the 12 Days of Conflict, I mean the 12 Days of Christmas.
Join me as I think through issues in my life. I don’t know you personally, but I suspect we are all a lot more alike than we are different. Feel free to let me know how your journey is progressing.
I can’t wait to get started! Tomorrow, 12 Krispy Kremes….

Are Your Holiday Family Gatherings More Prickly than Pleasant?

Have you ever played the word association game?  Lets try~I say chocolate, saliva develops as you sternly bark....'get me some!' Or, I say 'fruitcake' and you say, 'that wouldn't even make my dog drool. Move on.'  What if I say, “family holiday gathering?” Be honest. Do you start perspiring even though it's 65 degrees? Your eyes start to glaze over as you painfully realize Christmas is just around the corner. You are about to spend hours with people who don't really like you. In fact, the family tree may be the only reason they gather with you at all.

At Christmas we ponder Jesus as light of the world.  But, Matthew 5 states that we, Jesus' followers, are the light of the world. Is it possible to be the 'light of the world' while spending time with family members?  Yesterday while I was shopping,  I gave the lady behind me in line 2 of my extra coupons.  You would have thought I had given her a $20 bill. She was elated. That was easy. Why is it easier to be a light for Christ with a stranger? What happens to that thoughtful spirit in me when I get around my relatives?  What is there about us that can be so stubborn about demanding our way when we are with family? Do I demand more from my relatives? Am I a poor communicator? Do my actions corroborate my words or discredit me?
Recently I had to answer these questions when I received a email from a family member that left me shaking. Angry. Hurt. Angry. Disgruntled. Angry. Hopeless. Did I mention ANGRY?  It, however, was not a righteous anger. I had to ask myself why the letter caused so much anger within me. Perhaps it was because some of the things in the email were painfully true.  Initially, I chose denial fervently building a case for myself of all the things in the letter that were not true. Not a good plan. Fortunately, after much prayer and seeking counsel, I snapped out of denial mode.

Many of the things in the email were not necessarily true, but the result of poor communication. But, regretfully, some of the things were true. My pride did not want to see where I was not being Christ like.  Baggage from past interactions prevented me from loving as Christ calls me to love. But when I sought counsel and realized my actions were causing pain in the life of someone, I discovered that I needed to confess those things to God and ask His forgiveness. More importantly, I needed to ask my relative for forgiveness. That, my friend, was not an easy task. If I hear the word apologize the first thought that comes to my mind is, “Gulp, how do you eat an elephant?”  Well, as I tell my girls, “you eat an elephant one bite at a time.”  What do the first bites look like? Let me suggest the following.

• Read Scripture. Perspective is everything and nothing provides perspective like God's word. We need perspective when asking if there is something I have done to cause conflict in this relationship.
• Go to the Person.  No emails. No texts. Communication is 90% non-verbal and only 10% verbal. If distance prevents a face to face interaction, make a phone call.
• Listen. Listen. Listen. Did I say listen? Our tendency is to defend ourselves. Resist this temptation. God is your defender and protector.
• Admit Wrong. I had to say, “You are right. I have___, would you please forgive me?”
• Make a Commitment. Tell the person you will try and not commit the offense again and take the necessary steps to back up your words. For me, the culprit was poor communication. I made a commitment to call in the future and not rely on others to communicate for me.

Does it work? A few weeks after our interaction, our families had the chance to get together. Instead of dreading the interaction, I went with hope that things would go better than they have in the past. I felt God's peace and joy in doing what He has called me to do. Was it easy? No. Were there times I needed a breather and needed to be alone? Yes. But, I can honestly say I had a great time and am not dreading our next family get together.
What about you? Do you need to go to someone before that family holiday gathering and make things right? If so, here may be some utensils to help you eat that elephant one bite at a time~

◦        Read scripture
◦        Go to the person
◦        Listen. Listen. Listen
◦        Admit wrong
◦        Make a commitment

I would love to know how your 'meal' went over the holidays. Please comment or email and let me know!

Circumstances + Perspecitive = Emotion

Emotions are a funny thing. They evoke pleasure, they evoke pain. Happiness and sadness. Anger and indifference. Three weeks ago I was frustrated every time I looked out the window and saw that our cat had mots-ed up the windows again with his nose prints, just a little reminder of his presence. If only he'd not rub up against the window while looking out it, I wouldn't have to waste my time washing those windows over and over again. Today, those same nose prints are there and I'm saddened by them. I long to leave them there. It was just a week ago that our poor kitty was diagnosed with liver cancer and we made that heart wrenching decision to put him to sleep.

Perspective feeds emotion—my perspective from a week ago has changed. My circumstances caused me to look differently at those nose prints and evoked an entirely different feeling. This caused me to wonder about other circumstances in my life. What other things am I looking at with the wrong perspective? Circumstances that are causing negative emotion and feedback in my life? Can I stop, take a moment to breath and look at both sides of the fence? When I look at 'the green grass looks better over there' view do I have the ability to step back and say, 'but ah, this side of the fence allows for this and this and that?'

What about you? What circumstances in your life are causing you to look at life negatively? Can you change your thinking to look at the glass as half full? Try it and see if your perspective doesn't just shift enough to stir your emotions to a healthier level.

When Surviving Becomes a Game in Life

Survivor. When I mention the word, what thought comes to mind? Gloria Gainer’s song, I Will Survive? Breast cancer survivor? Or do you to think Jeff Probst? In our household, Survivor only means one thing. Eleven years, and twenty two seasons—along with names like Boston Rob, Russell, Jerri, Johnny Fairplay, and Parvati. Our family has scheduled our lives around watching the show with our best friends each week since the inception of Survivor. Jeff Probt’s dimples and receding hairline are as much a part of our lives as eating and brushing our teeth. There is always a little bit of sadness when a season comes to an end, an ultimate Survivor is named for the season and we have to wait until the new season begins months later. (And I wonder if my husband will apply again to be one of the castaways)


This season was no different for our family, but the questions asked after Rob Mariano was announced as the sole Survivor were different than previous seasons. It seemed this season, perhaps more than others, the producers focused on the friendships and bonds that are created when strangers are thrown into survival mode together for 40 days. Were the strangers different in personality this year or did the producers allow us to see what they’ve seen all along—whether you are playing a game on the field, on the court, or at a table, people are fragile individuals who are real people not just actors in a show. When a football player goes out on the field to play a game, is his attitude different than the individuals who are dropped in the middle of nowhere with strangers to play a game of survival? Should we fault players who have won Survivor by lying, cheating, blind-siding or stabbing allies in the back in an attempt to win a million dollars? It is a game, right?
 
Boston Rob declared he had spend 117 days physically playing Survivor and 10 years of his life masterminding how to win the game—perhaps even at the expense of his relationship with his wife, Amber, and his daughters. He also stated he went into the game with the attitude that he would do whatever it took to win the money for his family—there were no lines drawn in the sand for him. I wonder how Rob’s wife, Amber, felt about Rob snuggling up to two of the young women in an attempt to gain their loyalty?
Rob’s plan worked. Rob even blind-sided Grant, with whom he had a bond, as Jeff Probst intuitively noticed "like none other he’s seen over the years." Yet Grant, even as a former NFL competitor didn’t look at Survivor as a game but as an opportunity—and being back stabbed was personal. Finally, everyone else thought Phillip was crazy, yet Rob saw something in Phillip no one else saw and befriended him. But, was befriending Phillip all a part of his mastermind plan or was he sincere in his friendship? I don’t have the answer to the questions—I guess for me it causes me to take a look at my life...at myself.

Now that Rob has won, what will he do now? Does he have integrity in ‘real life?’ What happens when someone ultimately is able to accomplish a major goal in their life? Will his life all of the sudden change for the better? Will the longing for something bigger in his life subside? Only time will tell. The bigger question for me is personal—I need to worry about me and not about everyone else. I need to be treating others as I desire to be treated not as I am treated. Only I am responsible for my behavior—not anyone else. What about you? Are you at a place in your life where the longing in your heart is being filled?

What Do You Do When God Feel Like He's a Million Miles Away

Do you ever feel like God is a million miles away? Maybe you wonder if God has gone on an extended vacation. He has no fixed time line as to when He is coming home. Perhaps you wonder if God has permanently blocked your prayers. Maybe if you just did more for the church, you would move you up on the prayer chain—because surely God will love you more if you just did more for Him.

The other night my daughter came into our room and sat up on our bed with her book. We didn't talk about much, really—she had her book and I had mine. It was that she simply wanted to be with me—near me. Occasionally she would mention some funny thing about her book or remember something she forgot to tell me about her day. But the most important thing to her at the moment was having her momma close at hand.

I wonder if I didn't take those one on one moments with my daughter--how that would make her feel? What if I simply called her when I needed something—asked her to show up for family get togethers so I could impress my family members. What if I stayed really busy doing stuff for her but never had time to just sit with her on the bed or hang out. I realized that often, I approach my relationship with God with that kind of attitude and then I wonder why God feels so far away from me.

Whether I look at my relationship with my daughter or my relationship God, neither will be healthy if I don't spend one on one time. It doesn't matter how much I do to impress them, how many gifts I give them, or how much I learn about them. None of these by themselves will make the relationship stronger...these things definitely help when the relationship is strong but won't do anything for the relationship if I don't take the time to sit and be still with them. It's not about waiting for them to move closer to me—it's about me taking the initiative to go to them and give the most valuable thing I have—myself and my time.

A Day in the Life of our 9 Week Old Puppy...and My Slipper

What is it in our nature that always wants what we cannot have? I have two pairs of North Face down slippers. One pair is old and the other is fairly new. Enter in our 9 week old yellow lab puppy who no fault of her own is the spitting image of Marley, from Marley and Me. Annabelle's behavior is unfortunately exactly the same as Marley, The other day I caught her in the closet grabbing my husbands expensive leather loafer. I know she understands she is not supposed to chew on it because she got a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye and she took off like a bat out of hell. It probably only encourages her behavior when I take off running after her. It becomes a game of catch me if you can and as long as she is in the lead and continues to keep the item at large in her jowls then she is winning.

Rewind back to the two sets of slippers. Both pairs are down slippers. Both pairs are blue in color. Both smell like my feet-enough said. So, I figure I don't need to sets of down slippers and I decide to let Annabelle have the old set of slippers. Fast forward to this morning when the monster dog is let out of her crate for the evening. After doing all her business and we are all getting ready for school and work I give her, out of the kindness of my heart, my old slipper. Not fifteen minutes later she comes flying around the corner with...you guessed it....MY new slippers. Apparently the old ones are good enough for her, or...is it she just wants what she knows she is not supposed to have?

It's not a new problem. It dates all the way back to the beginning of mankind when God told Adam and Eve they could have ANY of the slippers in the garden...I mean eat of any tree in the garden—except ONE. Just one. If I gave Annabelle an REI store full of slippers I'd place wagers that she would still want the slippers that I've said are off limits. Why is that? What in our nature drives us to desire to have what we are told we cannot have? Is is the rebellion in us? The excitement of trying to get away with doing something we were told we shouldn't? Either way, it's obviously not only apart of my puppies life but I know it is apart of mine, too. So, I need to ask myself, What can I do in my life to make sure I'm okay with having the old slipper's?