Day Four of Lent-Ms. Biros

This morning as we were leaving the restaurant, I grabbed a few packets of raw sugar off our table. Then I grabbed a few off the table next to us. Then, as I started to grab a few off the third table Tim grabbed my arm and suggested maybe I do have a problem with kleptomania and asked if stealing sugar packets would be my story for today.

I decided to refrain from sharing another story of my failures and instead turn a corner in my road of reminiscing to sharing about one of my favorite teachers at St. Theresa school: Ms. Rosalee Biros. Ms. Biros was an amazing woman who played the ukulele in class while singing such songs as Tiny Bubbles or Lord of the Dance. As we all insisted she couldn't possibly have gray hair she admitted to us she used Lady Clairol to help her stay younger looking!

Ms. Biros always had an encouraging word for anyone she met. I never once heard her raise her voice and believe you me, she had ample opportunity with us 6^th graders. When she enveloped you in a hug you got lost in her embrace. Not just because she was a rather large woman but mainly because she was larger than life in personality.

Several years ago I stumbled upon her obituary. Call it fate or call it God sending me a message I was just so grateful I was able to see the announcement and able to attend her memorial service. I wasn't the only student of hers that loved her dearly. May we all live in a way this next week that would emulate the life of Ms. Biros~bringing joy and encouragement to those around us in life we come into contact with.

Day Three of Lent

Is there any better place for a 10 year old than a convenience store full of sweet treats - Fun Dip, Sweet Tarts, Bubbalicious, candy cigarettes, Jolly Rancher sticks and the list goes on and on. But what if that 10 year old has no money? Zilch, none, nada. Does that place become a hell on earth?

I can't answer that question with absolute certainty, but I can answer based on anecdotal evidence. I know for this ten year old, convenience stores and their out of reach treasures were terrible places. That was, until one day when my best friend and I ventured into our neighborhood 7-11. We decided to fill up our baby doll diaper bags with whatever we could nonchalantly slip into them unnoticed and remedy the no money problem. The clerk wasn't looking. We were sure of it. One of us stood watching while the other filled her bag. Then, being friends, we reversed roles, sharing responsibilities.

The thought of a second employee never crossed our minds. Who would have thought he would be hiding in the cooler restocking beverages? We sure didn't. But his position gave him a perfect view of what we thought was a perfect plan. I guess big brother was watching even before surveillance cameras were common. A huge tragedy in two small lives. We were busted.

I can't remember whose mom was called first, but they both were notified. I do however remember the discipline tool of choice my mother used to punish me - my fathers wooden handle BBQ brush. It stung like mad and left a welt on my butt. I was a skinny little thing, so there wasn't much meat on my flanks to absorb the swats - pun intended, have to live with it when using a BBQ brushes for discipline.

You must be wondering by now when I would get a clue about life. Stealing is wrong. Stealing equals bad consequences. Shouting at me as you read this excerpt, stealing is, if nothing else, something you personally are not very good at.

It wasn't that I wasn't a bright child. It was more that my desire to have what was not mine was stronger than my ability to think through the consequences. I wish I could say that today I don't struggle with wanting what is not mine, but I still do. Once my spending money is gone for the month I know I need to avoid certain stores. They cause me to stumble every time. Well, I don't steal things anymore but I tend to buy them even when I have exhausted my spending funds, and even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I know it will perturb my husband. Even though I know that eventually the stuff will sit in my closet collecting dust until I ultimately send it off to the thrift store with the other items I've grown tired of because something new and exciting....for now...has replaced it.

So, how do I remedy this problem? I need to remember that ultimately, the only thing that will fill that hole in my life is God. Not the good gifts He gives us...which can bring us pleasure, but only He himself can fill the void. Now, to remember that the next time I'm at REI would really make my life easier.

Day Two of Lent

For those of you who wonder...my mom does not remember what caused her to discover the books. We are brutally honest with each other these days so it would be okay for her to admit if she had been snooping through my room, but alas, that was not it. She promised she would try and jog her memory. For now, that is all I could ask of her.

Less you prejudge me and think I was an obstinate child let me assure you I was not only obstinate (and still am today), but I was a kleptomaniac also. Yes, I must admit it. Even now if you invite me to your home be careful lest I steal something right out from under your nose. *wink

The first time I remember stealing something I must have been about 5 years old. I was in tow with my mom at the local Goldblatt's store. They were a local chain of discount stores started in 1914 in the mid-west. I found a little purse I could just not stand to live without and lo and behold I swiped it. I took it home with me. My little party was over when my mother discovered I had stolen it, marched me back to talk to the store manager, and confessed my sin to him. Not only THAT, they made me give the purse back! I thought if my mother truly loved me she would have at least bought that purse for me. At least let me keep it but never, never, never make me apologize for stealing it and give it back, too.

That was the last thing I stole for quite awhile...well, at least until I was in kindergarten and there was that big fat pencil at the bookstore at Blessed Sacrament school I had my eye on....but that is a story for another day.

Day One of Lent-

Lent is typically about giving something up...but for me, it's more about the aspect of discipline. Writing has been a discipline I've needed to gain but fight tooth and nail...grrr. So, for the next 40 days I'm going to write a little blurb about life going to Parochial school. I hope they make you laugh, cry, and bring precious memories back from YOUR childhood.

I'm not sure if the day began like any other day. What possessed me to meander over to the school and see what was going on. I'm not sure I even had a plan I just found myself drawn to pathway that led me there. Where was there? St. Theresa Catholic school. The place where I spent 5 years of my life, more or less. The school had an accordion like gate that closed off the entrance's, but I was skinnier than a praying mantis at nine years old and so I slid between the metal bars with ease. No one was around as I walked the hollowed outdoor walkways. Just for fun I decided to see if any of the doors of the teachers classrooms were unlocked. Bingo, Mrs. Dimas had forgotten to lock her door. Whether it was because she was pregnant and entered that phase of hormonal forgetfulness or simply didn't think it was necessary either way I'll never know. I let myself in feeling like a kid in a candy store with no limits. I was so proud of myself. Look—rows of textbooks and right next to them were the TEACHERS copies with all the answers! I would never had to think about doing my homework again!

How I lugged those massive texts home I have no idea but I placed them in between both of my mattress' of my bed. The following day I saw my teacher talking with some of the other staff. I didn't need to hear what she was telling them as I watched her hands motioning I could guess she was explaining that at least 3 feet of her textbooks had suddenly developed feet and wandered off. The most fascinating part of the equation is ultimately how my mother found out. I still to this day have no idea. I wonder if I jog her memory she'll confess to what ratted me out. Did the janitor see me? Was the lump between my mattress what gave it away when my mom went to change my sheets? Or was she snooping in my room and discovered the books all on her own? I guess that's a story for another day.

I'm a Huge Fan of Change....as Long as I Instigated It.

People don't fear change, they fear uncertainty. Steven Covey

I'm one of those people who loves change...as long as I'm the one who instigates and controls the change. Painting a room because I WANT to paint it; not because it has water damage and I HAVE to paint it. I think I get this from my grandfather. He used to drive my grandmother crazy rearranging the furniture on a monthly basis. He claimed it saved the carpet because it didn't allow traffic patterns to develop. I think that was only partly true. I think moving the furniture gave him a sense of control. Controlled change. When everything else in your life is spinning out of control making a controlled change, like moving furniture or painting a room, gives the illusion of control.

But, what is one to do when God whispers into our ear, I want you to change in this area my beloved. I would love to say I'm always compliant...Yes Lord! I'm on it. No problem. Unfortunately, more often than not I resist the change. It's not my idea and I will lose control. I dig my heels in and wait for God to speak a little louder, beloved, I really want you to change in this area. Ultimately, because I'm stubborn, God sometimes has to make me move rather than allowing me to move on my own (because the wait might be eternal).

Wait, but didn't God make me and mold me which would include my stubbornness? A friend recently posted on Facebook that her 2 year old was having her first tantrum and therefore was mad as a hornet. I inwardly smiled and told her our Zoe was that way. Thee perfect child and then one day a switch flipped and we all went, WHOA! I shared how that determination in Zoe has and will allow her to do great things in life, though. We need to channel that strong will towards good and positive things. So then, I thought, what about me? What do I need to do to channel my strong will? I need to be stubborn in my obedience to God rather than stubborn in my disobedience. And if I don't channel it? Then God as my heavenly Father will help channel it for me.

It's not easy. It will be the hardest work you do each day. But it will change how you think and it will change your heart, as well. So, what do I personally do to channel my strong will towards God? I ask myself what is God asking me to change today? Then I search my Bible for verses that deal with that specific thing. (ie forgiveness) Then, I set myself to task writing those verses down on 3 x 5 cards* - write them over and over again. Read them over and over again until the 18 inches between my heart and head have shared meaning and I can say with confidence; Thy word I have hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you. Ps 119:11.

*If you are tech savvy I use the ColorNote App on my Android to keep a virtual stack of 3 x 5 cards to look over anytime I'm waiting somewhere.

Life Isn't Fair-Especially Around the Holidays

For the past 9 years our family has been cable/satellite free. Don't get me wrong; it's not that we don't watch TV at all it's just that if we had cable I'm not sure we'd never stop watching. There are a few shows we manage to watch at a friend’s house (Survivor and Glee) or watch on the internet. My attorney husband seems to be drawn to law enforcement type shows like White Collar, In Plain Sight and Burn Notice. A few weeks ago he was sick and while surfing the net found a new show out there; Blue Bloods. He loves Tom Selleck and as he watched he was drawn to the story lines. Intense, familial and thought provoking.

And when he likes a show, I have to at least watch a couple of episodes, if only to get him off my case. One such episode hit a nerve as I ponder the holiday season approaching and contemplate dealing with family and adopted family.

Tom Selleck’s character has his newly divorced daughter and granddaughter living with him. When mom and teenage daughter have a spat, Tom's character gets up from the table and says, “I've got this one.” You would expect him, as the police commissioner and strong willed type, to go off on his granddaughter explaining how she needs to be more respectful of her mother. But, he doesn't. Instead he says, “Life isn't fair. But, you can be.” Wow. It rattled me. So often we feel if others aren't fair to us then certainly it's okay to treat them the same way, right?

No way - Jesus commanded that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the 'life isn't fair but you can be' statement in a nutshell. We don't have to be fair - the world doesn't expect us to be fair. But, what does it say to the world when we are being treated unfairly but offer kindness and love in return?

With Thanksgiving a few days away and Christmas looming in the shadows ponder how the holiday season would look differently in your household if you lived out what Jesus said? You treating others how YOU would like to be treated...NOT, how you currently are being treated.

Rules without a Relationship equals Rebellion

Teenagers. They are some of the most baffling of God's creation. Sometimes even more than women. If you are the parent of a teen, or have been the parent of a teen, you know what I am talking about. One moment everything is calm and then the raging storm comes out of no where. You have no idea what you said, what you did, or what you didn't do. In any case, there are remnants of a hurricane to clean up.

So what is the secret to surviving the hurricane? A “simple” formula ~ R-R=R. Okay, for those of us who hate math, or, as Dr. Dobson puts it, Rules without a Relationship equals Rebellion.

What exactly are rules? Rules aren't simply the ten commandments. Rules are the things in our lives that dictate whether we will be successful or not. Watching certain movies may be okay for me while the same movies may cause my husband to stumble. Maybe my best friend can enjoy a glass of wine, but because of addiction issues in my own life, I do not have that luxury. Does that mean God doesn't love me as much as He loves others? No. There are just certain things, Rules per se, that govern my life that are not an issue in others lives. Just as God our father wants what is best for us, so do we as parents, what is best for our children. This is where Relationship comes into play.

The Relationship is what makes the Rules workable. For example, if my Relationship with God is fractured, I envision Him meddling in my business, then I am going to struggle with the boundaries God places in my life. On the other hand, if my Relationship with God is built on trust, spending time with one another and knowing each other, then when my feathers get ruffled because God seems to be interfering in my life, I am able to separate out my feelings and remember to trust my Relationship with God because He loves me and has my best interest in mind.

The same is true with our teens. If our teens feel we know and love them explicitly and have their best interest in mind (a Relationship), then when we ask them to trust and obey us (the Rules), Rebellion has no place.

So how do we build the Relationship? One word; time. The same way I cannot be close with God and have an intimate relationship with Him if I don't spend time with him. The same way I cannot have an intimate relationship with my husband if I don't spend time with him. We must spend one on one time with our teens. Play a game. Throw a ball. Get ice cream. Go for a walk. Wash the car. Turn off the radio and listen. Anything together where you are working together on a common goal. Don't wait another minute-take some time with your teenager today and see if it doesn't build the Relationship and keep Rebellion at bay.